Well, fuck you too.

This week has been complete shit. Let me tell you why. For starters my crazy ass cat will not stop bringing critters into my clean, sanitary home. And by critters I mean the living and dead kind. Like, right now as I'm typing this there is a half-live bird in my bedroom. Since we moved into this house there has been a constant stream of snakes, moles, field mice and frogs left in my hallway, laundry room and bedroom. Also said cat who dont get me wrong is the sweetest most loyal creature I've ever owned has been tearing things apart lately like, my sons inflatable bathtub, his inflatable pool and my couch and mattress. She was cooped up in our house for nearly two months recently due to some health problems and I think she's punishing me.

I've been feeling pretty sluggish lately. I got food poisoning two weeks ago and my stomach still hasnt fully recovered. On tuesday, some teenage punk came flying around the corner in his shitty honda accord and almost fucking hit me. I told him to slow down and he called me a 'fucking fat bitch'. I'm fat because I'm pregnant you motherfucker and I hope I see you again when I'm not pregnant so I can teach you a fucking lesson about respecting your elders. Actually I hope he gets in a very serious car accident and loses use of his legs. When that happens and I see him crossing the street in his wheelchair I'm going to speed up and scare the shit out of him. Then when he tells me to slow down I'm going to call him a 'fucking cripple'. A girl can dream.

What's a good substitution for a really strong gin and tonic? I need one, desperately.